


Recovery

by Umbr_el_on



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/F, Healing Sex, Hopeful Ending, Other, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Assault, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Self-cest, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:35:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26141944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umbr_el_on/pseuds/Umbr_el_on
Summary: When Thea turned around, Dorothea knew what she’d figured out. Presumably, Thea has been through all of these same emotions at some point. Whatever she picked up probably had a date on it, indicating what stage of life she was trudging through. All the more reason to shove her aside before they fell apart together.“Dorothea, you’re going to be okay.” Thea’s voice was soft and even, comfortable like a blanket warmed by the summer sun.“How do you know?” Dorothea snapped in terror.“Because I’m okay.”
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> **Mind the tags!**
> 
> This story is based heavily on the theme of recovering from rape. The act itself is not depicted, but the trauma and fear resulting from it is, and sex is used as a method of processing and recovering from those feelings.
> 
> This fic contains self-cest, between post-TS Dorothea and a version of Dorothea a few years from the future. They get intimate with each other through the lense of helping the younger Dorothea start to heal and reconnect with her body.

The weight of Dorothea’s pain fell upon her all at once.

It had been months. She was fine, able to forget all about the soldier that claimed to love her before he turned around and took everything from her. The whole relationship had been a mistake, held a lesson to be learned, and Dorothea was certain she’d moved on.

When Sylvain reached across the table to grab a bowl, his body leaned a little too close. With the warmth radiating from his skin, Dorothea felt her chest crumple like discarded paper.

“Dorothea? What’s wrong?” Ashe caught on to her fast-growing panic first, scanning over Dorothea with concern.

A few others turned to look at her. The sensation of being trapped grew stronger with every set of eyes inspecting her, picking her apart. She felt her hands begin to shake, energy without an outlet building. Within seconds, everything was unbearable.

Dorothea’s throat went dry. Looking around the room with frantic eyes, she jerked out of her seat and started walking out of the dining hall. Her body felt numb and too real all at once. Every step forward was exhausting, her feet dragging on the floor as she willed herself to escape.

Hands of someone long since gone from Dorothea’s life felt like they grabbed her and threatened to suffocate her. She gasped through their hold, aware they were her imagination but unable to ignore them all the same. She was distantly aware of voices calling for her from the table, but they did nothing to stop her from forcing her body into a run.

Dorothea made it behind some boxes near the fishing pond before she broke down.

Tripping in her haste, Dorothea landed on the rough stone. She knew her knees would be battered from the impact, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Needing to hide, Dorothea pressed herself close to one of the boxes and curled herself into a ball. A splinter got through the back of her dress, but that, too, was inconsequential. Those feelings were a quick healing spell away from being forgotten.

What hurt more was the way her chest felt raw and torn open. A sob tore free of her throat, releasing tears she didn’t realize were coming until they streamed down her face in a torrent. There was a beautiful, blissful moment of utter confusion. What had set this off? Could she be sick, or having an off day? Had someone said something she didn’t know was bothering her?

The blissful moment shattered after a beat of reflection.

She had been raped, and she was scared it would happen again.

Sylvain got too close and she exploded. Sylvain, a friend she’d had for years, leaned a little too close, and she flinched and ran like he’d grabbed her to drag her away. If Sylvain set her off, how would she react to men she wasn’t close to?

Would she be able to share kitchen duty with Dedue? Garden with Ashe? Train with Felix? The uncertainty of those once certain activities made Dorothea feel like the world was spinning.

Dorothea wailed before she could stop herself. Months of pain she didn’t know lingered inside of her shredded her from the inside out. For all the wounds she’d sustained before, this was the closest she’d ever come to feeling as though she stood at death’s door.

In both a blessing and a curse, Dorothea was pulled from her hysteria by Ingrid’s familiar hands shaking her by the shoulders. Vibrant green eyes full of worry and confusion cut through the worst of Dorothea’s hazy emotions. They would have cut through more if Dorothea wasn’t faced with Ingrid’s understanding, too.

“Dorothea, I… Is this because… Well...” Ingrid tried to find the words she wanted to use, but her voice faded out each time and Dorothea shook her head.

“Ingrid, please. I can’t.” Dorothea hated how her voice cracked, but it was the best she could manage.

To Dorothea’s relief, Ingrid did not press. She asked no questions, drew no attention, and certainly did not try to leave. She slid down onto the stone with her back pressed against a box, pulling Dorothea closer. She kept her hands on Dorothea’s shoulders and upper back.

Dorothea fell into the embrace and let her tears wash her away.

* * *

It had been three weeks since Dorothea’s world burned down.

All of her classmates and friends–bless their hearts–had tried in one way or another to support and console her. They brought her food and books and sheets of music to pour over, spoke to her through her bedroom door if they weren’t allowed inside. It was all touching, the display of unwavering love exactly what Dorothea needed to start healing.

Now, she needed that love from herself to finish the job.

That leap felt impossible to make. Dorothea had yet to regain the sense that her body belonged to her. She still shivered as unwanted hands ghosted over her skin at night, still bundled herself up in clothes as a shield from unwanted eyes. Nothing about those sensations and actions had changed in the past three weeks, and it felt as if they never would.

Groaning and shaking her head, Dorothea fought down another wave of dysphoria. She couldn’t sit in her room and cower forever, as tempting as it was to try. There was a war out there to fight, and it wasn’t fair for her to let her loved ones shoulder the responsibilities she had dropped. She had to try and start reintegrating herself.

With a deep breath, Dorothea pushed to her feet and opened her door.

An unfamiliar woman stood on the porch beside Byleth. Dorothea started to retreat back into her room to slam the door shut and put off bravery for another day, but she hesitated. Something about this woman was too familiar to ignore. Something about her didn’t put Dorothea on edge. If anything, her presence was soothing.

“I made a miscalculation in my most recent execution of Divine Pulse and merged two timelines. Dorothea, this is Dorothea from a few years in the future.” Byleth, ever the expert in social situations, excused themselves after making an insufficient introduction.

“Hi, may I come in?” Future Dorothea asked, smiling sheepishly.

Present Dorothea was too stunned to do more than step aside and stare with her mouth hanging open.

“Let’s make this easier, just call me Thea.” Future Dorothea walked into the room confidently, observing everything with an air of nostalgia and a soft smile.

Dorothea nodded. Too exhausted to deal with all of this, she walked over and sat down on her bed. The panic in her chest still buzzed, and it was only a matter of time before it overpowered her. She just needed a reason to get her future self out before that happened.

“Your desk is a mess, how– _ oh. _ ” Thea picked a piece of paper up, but Dorothea couldn’t see what it was.

When Thea turned around, Dorothea knew what she’d figured out. Presumably, Thea has been through all of these same emotions at some point. Whatever she picked up probably had a date on it, indicating what stage of life she was trudging through. All the more reason to shove her aside before they fell apart together.

“Dorothea, you’re going to be okay.” Thea’s voice was soft and even, comfortable like a blanket warmed by the summer sun.

“How do you know?” Dorothea snapped in terror.

“Because I’m okay.”

Dorothea chewed on that statement for a moment. It was true; by all accounts, this future version of herself seemed well-off, comfortable. There was at least a possibility of that in her own future. However, Dorothea wasn’t sure if Thea had gone through quite the same thing.

“How?” was all Dorothea could ask.

“Time. Work. Support.” Thea walked over and sat down next to Dorothea. “I can offer more immediate help with two of those things.”

“I’m listening.” Dorothea was desperate for anything to help soothe the lingering aches and fear that plagued her, even if Thea wasn’t quite on point with her understanding.

“This is going to sound… odd, but please hear me out. My recovery started when I learned to love myself again. I reconnected with myself, with who I was. You should do the same.” Thea’s eyes were fixed on the floor.

Dorothea couldn’t help but scoff. “Oh, so I just need a makeover and some meditation?”

Thea leveled her with a serious, weighed gaze. “No. You need to take back what was taken from you, in every way you can.”

The snark on Dorothea’s tongue withered into dust. 

“I can’t, I couldn’t even try. I wouldn’t know where to begin! Besides, I don’t trust myself not to screw up and make it worse.” Dorothea threw her hands into the air to try and express a whirlwind of emotion she herself could not comprehend.

Thea looked contemplative for several long seconds before she spoke, her voice low and even as if she was speaking to a cornered dog. “Would you trust me to help you?”

Dorothea balked at the suggestion. “You are me!”

Thea nodded. “I am. I’m you that has been through all of this. The version of you that knows it can be okay and knows of a path to get there through trial and error. Can you at least trust yourself to accept help?”

Silence hung over them. Dorothea scrambled to try and think, to come up with anything to say. She kept pulling blanks, jumbled words that would carry no meaning if she uttered them. Giving up on trying to force herself to answer now, Dorothea gave her uncertainty a voice.

“I don’t know. I… I need to think.” Dorothea felt faint, straining to absorb everything from the last half an hour or so even as she told herself she didn’t have to untangle everything right this second.

Thea stood up, smoothing out her clothes. “Of course. I’ll come and knock after dinner. It’s up to you to decide if you’d like to let me in or not.”

With that, Thea excused herself from the room. Her heels echoed on the courtyard as she walked away, leaving Dorothea in silence after they faded out. It was the most isolated and alone Dorothea had felt in months.

Dorothea picked at a thread on her sheets as she considered what Thea said. It sounded so absurd. How could she take back everything that had been ripped from her? There was no do-over, no rewind to steer clear of her abuser.

Then again, what risk was there in trying to do something? It was getting old to feel so helpless and lost. Even if this bizarre encounter only helped her reclaim a fraction of her identity, wouldn’t that be worth it?

Dorothea shuddered at the idea. She hadn’t considered in even the most distant sense how she’d handle herself physically after this. It seemed a shallow place to start, but it had been a physical act that led to her emotional destruction. That street very well could run both ways.

Laughing like a woman gone mad, Dorothea made her decision. She doubted it could hurt her more to take the chance. With shaking hands and a wild smile, she started straightening her sheets and cleaning her room.

* * *

Dorothea’s nerves grew almost insurmountable as night fell. The fading rays of the sun cast long shadows throughout Dorothea’s room, which she fought off with a candle on her desk. While she’d gotten hours to process and plan for the fact that she would be getting intimate with herself,  _ literally _ , it was still a challenge to fathom that situation.

Harder to fathom was the fact that she knew what she wanted out of the night. A part of her felt intense shame at the fact that she wanted to be touched by another version of herself, but somehow, that was less terrifying than if it were to happen by her own shaking hands. Perhaps those budding mental images were why Dorothea squeaked and jumped up from her bed when there were soft taps on her door.

“C-come in.”

The door creaked open, Thea poking her head inside. She offered a reassuring smile as she slipped inside. The door gave a soft click when it shut, and the sound carried a sense of finality that caught Dorothea off guard. Still, her chosen course did not change.

“I, ah, have everything we need under my bed. Should I–”

Thea cut off Dorothea’s rambling with a soft shush. “Just sit down and relax.”

Dorothea flopped down with jerky, stiff muscles. Thea eased herself onto the bed with graceful, fluid movements. There was a moment where Dorothea questioned what would happen next, but that passed when Thea rested a soft hand on Dorothea’s knee.

“We need to talk about this. You’ve had some time to think, and I hope you’ve put it to use. What, exactly, do you want to happen right now?”

Dorothea took a deep breath and grounded herself as well as she could in a body she had not yet reclaimed. “I want my body to be mine again. I’m still not confident that it’s possible, but I want to take back what was taken like you said I need to.”

Thea nodded, steady where Dorothea unstable. “What do you want my role in this process to be?”

“I want you to lead me through it, to take care of me for now. Show me so I can try it myself later.” Dorothea paused before she remembered one more important detail she needed to share. “I want to stay under the blankets, covered up.”

Thea’s hand slid up Dorothea’s leg, making Dorothea tense before she forced her knotted muscle to soften. Thea hummed in approval and continued, giving Dorothea ample time to adjust with every shift of Thea’s hand. It grew easier to relax with every pause, every act of patience strengthening Dorothea’s trust.

When Thea’s hand reached Dorothea’s upper thigh, she pulled it away. Before Dorothea could protest the loss of contact that actually felt nice, Thea’s fingers traced over Dorothea’s jaw and neck. They dipped over her collarbones before creeping back up, nails scraping along Dorothea’s jaw. Dorothea shuddered, stuck between excitement and fear.

“I won’t do anything you could not do by yourself. No kisses, no use of anything but hands, none of that,” Thea whispered, nails gliding over Dorothea’s sternum.

“Okay,” Dorothea breathed.

Dorothea closed her eyes and did her best to imagine it was her own hands working on her body. Every change and new touch brought on a moment of panic, washed away only by conscious effort to push away. Each iteration of that cycle was easier to move through, Dorothea’s grip on herself getting stronger and more reliable.

When Thea cupped her breasts through her dress, her throat tightened and she felt cold. When Thea glided down her waist with a squeeze, her legs twitched. When Thea finally made it to her hips, caressing the soft curves there, Dorothea’s fear had shrunk to a general buzz throughout her body under the crushing pressure of welcomed pleasure flooding her.

The spell as it had come to be was broken when Thea cut in. “Whenever you’re ready, you can get under the blankets.”

Dorothea moved away before Thea had finished that sentence. She was rolling along on momentum, every second without something new leaving room for terror and old wounds to grip her and suck her back to where she was before. It was not out of fear of falling apart or being disappointed, however, that Dorothea carried on. It was out of hope for where she’d be if she could just make it through this.

Throwing her blanket over her body, Dorothea hurried through getting her dress off. When it hit the floor, she felt raw. Looking at Thea, Dorothea’s heart felt like it would hammer out of her chest any second. Thea set her hand on Dorothea’s stomach through the blanket and took deep breaths. Dorothea followed along until their breathing was in sync, calm and even.

“Better?” Thea asked, shifting to kneel next to the bed with her head next to Dorothea’s.

Dorothea nodded, prompting Thea to continue. “Don’t think too hard, just feel. No thinking back on anything, no thinking about what’s to come. Your job is to take in every moment as it is without assigning it more meaning than it requires. I’ll take care of the rest. Is that clear?”

“Yes.” Dorothea surprised herself with how sure she sounded.

“Perfect,” Thea purred.

Thea went through the same movements of caressing Dorothea in their new position. The new angles were fascinating, maybe better than when it felt like someone else doing the work. It was easier than before to imagine her own hands at work, a soothing thought that made every motion easier to digest.

Dorothea gasped when her breasts were squeezed. Experienced fingers swirled around hard nipples. The rough blanket only added to the sensation on her sensitive skin, making Dorothea squirm and drown in the sensation. She was disappointed when the fingers slipped away from her chest, but the feeling dissipated when those fingers migrated down to dig into her thighs.

The soft flesh was kneaded through the blanket, determined but patient, and heat spread through Dorotea’s body. Dorothea fluctuated between acceptance and enjoyment until the latter won out. Even with the moments of hardship, the knowledge that it was possible for that to happen was comforting.

An unexpected brush against her abdomen made Dorothea go rigid. She whimpered and squirmed away on instinct. Thea let her go, hand hovering over the area while Dorothea had her moment. Thoughts of her assault tried to flood her mind, but Dorothea fought with all of her mental might to push them away in favor of focusing on the present.

With waves of all-consuming effort, the fragmented memories dissipated. Her eyes felt wet from the ordeal, but the moment had passed. Her damp lashes were the only evidence she’d panicked at all. It was the shortest episode she’d had yet, and that alone felt like a victory.

“Do you want me to continue?” Thea asked, the question free of any pressure of expectation.

Dorothea nodded and Thea lowered her hand back down to rest on Dorothea’s navel. The sensation was less jarring the second time, when it was anticipated. Thea started tracing small circles that grew larger every time Dorothea eased back into the touch. Dorothea nearly sobbed with relief when she realized the touch felt  _ good _ .

“More,” Dorothea breathed, feeling daring.

Thea said nothing in response. Instead, she slipped her hand under the blanket and down closer to Dorothea’s sex. Dorothea shivered and sighed, but it was predominantly pleasure that drove the action. When Thea’s fingers found the curls over Dorothea’s slit, Dorothea felt herself  _ want _ instead of fear.

“Are you okay?” Thea asked, hand stopping just shy of where Dorothea craved it.

Dorothea hummed and worked up the courage to spread her legs. It felt cold to be exposed to the air, but Dorothea hoped in a part of her mind she wasn’t ready to cut loose that she wouldn’t be exposed for long.

Thea accepted the invitation, sliding her finger over Dorothea’s folds in one long motion. Thea’s finger came off slick, and Dorothea realized she was crying with relief at the evidence that her body wasn’t broken. She’d had no idea what to expect physically when they tried this, but this was better than she could have hoped for.

A soft sob shook Dorothea through her smile when Thea rubbed her again, a little more firmly. Dorothea felt herself getting warmer and warmer, more hungry and eager as her fear folded in on itself and all but disappeared. Thea gradually built a rhythm, petting Dorothea with even pressure and no rush at all.

As Dorothea settled into the feeling, she let more pleasured sounds escape her. They crescendoed when Thea’s fingers swirled over her clit, spreading her wetness over the area to make it easier. Dorothea squirmed and leaned into the pressure, feeling heat concentrating in her gut. It felt like magic to be free of the anguish that had gripped her for weeks.

“This can be enough to get you off, but we like more than this. Can I show you how to use your fingers?” Thea asked.

Dorothea moaned and nodded, muttering her consent. The thought of being given more, even a little bit more, put the desire to be filled at the forefront of Dorothea’s mind. Thea gave Dorothea’s clit a final round of attention before sliding down to spread her lips.

When Thea began to press a finger into Dorothea, it was the most grounded Dorothea had felt since the incident. She arched her back in response and huffed in frustration when Thea pulled away. Opening her eyes, Dorothea looked up at Thea and was caught off guard by the concern there.

“It’s good. It’s really good,” Dorothea explained.

“Ah, okay. I misread that,” Thea explained, expression softening.

Thea resumed touching Dorothea. She teased her finger at Dorothea’s entrance once more, dipping in the tip before pulling out again to tease Dorothea’s clit. The game was maddening. Dorothea was consumed thinking about how much she longed to have Thea’s fingers inside of her. Whining to show her impatience, Dorothea was rewarded with that tantalizing finger slipping all the way in.

The intrusion felt strange, but not unwelcome, after months without it. It was such a small physical sensation, but Dorothea swore she could feel her confidence blooming with every twist and testing wiggle inside of her.

There was no pain or force in this touch. Though she was underneath Thea, Dorothea knew she was still in control. This was freely sought pleasure, a healing experience that patched some of the wounds in Dorothea’s heart. Spurred on by the desire to feel more whole, Dorothea began to meet the shallow thrusts of Thea’s hand.

Thea accepted the invitation to carry on, adding in kind words to appease Dorothea. “You’re doing so well, Dorothea. So brave and beautiful.”

A second finger worked in beside the first, giving Dorothea a physical sensation more capable of matching the emotional one. They moved in slowly, working in sync to take Dorothea apart. Thea shifted them around, searching for that magical spot that would make Dorothea sing. Dorothea cried out when Thea found it.

Though her thrusts were shallow, Thea’s aim was impeccable. Her fingers brushed against Dorothea’s g-spot every time, driving her to new heights. She was taken by the building pressure in her gut, sparking and pulsing with energy. Her body hummed, but the sensation was different than the buzz of fear or anxiety.

The knot in her stomach started to fray. A tsunami of anxiety slammed into Dorothea. She fought like a beast against the pleasure, the uncertainty of what it would do to her difficult to stand. Had it been anyone else there with her, or no one at all, this would be a disaster.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Thea whispered, hand unrelenting as she said exactly what Dorothea needed to hear at the precise moment she needed to hear it.

Her anxiety quelled by Thea’s soothing, Dorothea fell apart within seconds. She thrashed and sobbed through her orgasm as though a dam broke in her chest. Thea guided her through every wave of burning pleasure, slipping her fingers out only after Dorothea fell limp into the mattress.

Dorothea stared up at the wall, catching her breath and coming down from one of the highest highs of her life. She felt a deep sense of peace. Her skin didn’t feel like a trap. If anything, it felt like a security blanket. With a soft giggle, Dorothea shifted to get more comfortable in the bed.

“You may not like this, but I’m going to leave you to process all of tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.” Thea wiped her hand clean and saw herself out before Dorothea’s sluggish, afterglow brain could protest.

Being alone with her thoughts was still scary, leaving room for negativity to tear apart her extraordinary happiness. If Dorothea were a more religious woman, she’d thank the goddess she only had to be alone with herself for a few minutes. Sleep barreled into her like a galloping horse, dragging her along to rest so deep her mind could work without disturbing her thrumming body.

* * *

When Dorothea woke up to harsh light in her face, it was the best she’d felt in weeks. She’d slept well, free of the nightmares and stress that had plagued her. A twinge of anxiety still rested in her chest, but it wasn’t all-consuming. Sitting up, the blanket fell from Dorothea’s body, but the exposure didn’t make her blood go cold like it had been lately. Smiling, she sprang out of bed and got dressed.

When she flung her door open, several of her classmates, both present and future versions, were gathered a few yards away in the courtyard. Some of her confidence faltered, but not enough to stop her. Dorothea approached the group with small, quiet steps. Some of her hesitation faded when she saw Thea was part of the group.

Thea noticed Dorothea’s approach. When their eyes met, Thea offered a warm smile. Dorothea returned it, genuinely and without thought. After a moment of just focusing on their connection and being thankful nobody else seemed to notice her presence, Dorotea looked around to assess what everyone was gathered about.

Byleth stood at the center of the group, writing in a notebook. Present and Future Dimitri were close to them, speaking quietly. Mercedes and Annette seemed sad, hugging their future selves and frowning. Future Ashe handed Present Ashe a book, while the Sylvains and Felixs looked locked into a deep conversation. It was all just jarring enough that Dorothea was about to speak up and ask what was happening, but Byleth beat them to it.

“Alright, that’s everything I need. Are you all ready to go back?” Byleth looked over everyone with a blank expression, immune to the mess of emotions surrounding them.

Various answers were muttered as Byleth opened a portal for the future versions to step through, but Dorothea whipped around to look at Thea. An undercurrent of sadness was under her smile now. Meeting halfway around the group, they pulled each other into a hug. Dorothea started crying, a few stray tears running down her face as she sniffled.

“Hey now, you’re alright. You’re so much better already, and you’ll only get stronger,” Thea soothed, rubbing circles onto Dorothea’s back.

“But I–”

“No buts. I promise everything will be alright before you know it.” Thea stepped away, gently pulling out of Dorothea’s attempts to cling.

“O-okay…” Dorothea didn’t quite believe it, but she longed for it to be true. “I’ll miss you.”

Thea let out a light laugh, looking over to see she was the last one left to step through the portal Byleth had made. “No need to miss me. You’ll meet me in a few years,” Thea explained, winking before turning to walk out of Dorothea’s current world.

Taking a shaky breath, Dorothea looked around to find her friends all watching her warily. When the urge to run away never came, Dorothea gave them a tiny smile. She wasn’t okay yet, but maybe she was a few steps closer than she’d been before.


End file.
